To say that I was a needy child would probably be putting it lightly. I needed a lot of attention and instruction. Sadly though, I was child number 6 of 12 to my parents and as a result, got very little instruction and interaction with my parents.
Why do I bring this up? And how does this relate to my recovery from co-dependency?
Well, all children are self centered. It is a tremendous work to teach a child to forget themselves and care for others.
When I over-achieved in taking care of my other siblings and caring to the household duties that were my moms responsibilities, I did it to get something back from my mom for myself. So, on the outside I looked like this loving, caring, and selfless person, when really I did it all to get something back.
Referring to Elder Hales talk again:
Quote: 'There are three important elements that will allow us to make good decisions:
...And third, we need to examine our motives each time we make a decision.' Unquote
The motives behind my decision to give so much to my needy parents was so that I would get what I needed from them. I worked, I slaved, I gave up my own interests, I felt sorry for them, etc. It was all about me.
This made me a very angry and needy person myself. I became a person obsessed that my parents 'get better.' While I was taking such good care of my parents (at least I had convinced myself I was such a good caretaker of them,) I was failing miserably at taking care of myself.
So, who was going to take care of Sarah and her problems, duties, and work? I couldn't do it myself. I was way too absorbed and consumed in all of my parents needs and problems.
Well, this is the huge discovery. It is also the challenge I have ahead of me. I am in the habit of worrying about my parents' needs and problems, not mine.
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2 comments:
Sarah, I appreciate your post. I follow another blog that I felt tied into parenting and raising healthy/well-adjusted kids. The woman is LDS and is very forthright in expressing her opinion. Thought you'd enjoy a quick read: http://scribbit.blogspot.com/2010/04/are-you-raising-narcissist.html
Abigail is a needy child. I hope to fulfil her needs in a healthy way and not spoil her because she demands so much from us. I have been noticing there are times where she acts spoiled and it concerns me. When we don't attend constantly to her needs, she gets angry and upset.
I would love to hear all about your interests. I know a lot of them, but I want to feel excitement from you in what you're creating and doing with you - I want to hear now that you are taking care of you.
In my dream, you indeed looked well taken care of, happy and full of beauty; confident and content with who you are. The image is still there in my mind but the feeling from it is stronger.
Love you Sar.
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