Behind the scenes

I would say I am pretty naive when it comes to governments, politicians, lobbyists, special interest groups and the like. I don't spend my time seeking after power and looking for a handout from anyone. I am strongly opposed to government handouts. Of course, there are times when things happen to people, like hurricane Katrina, and the government steps in to give aid. Of course, even then, the people do a much better job with charitable organizations that a government agency. Nevertheless, I'm talking about people who, for example, go on food stamps while going to college. I'm with the prophets who teach us to save money to attend college, while taking semesters off, if needed, in order to save the money needed to avoid going on any government aid.

It is in this frame of mind that I search out who I will put in my vote for President of the United States in 2012.

A few years ago I read a book written by Gary Allen, which Ezra Taft Benson said all freedom loving people should read. It is called None Dare Call It Conspiracy. I read about secret groups that are organized to bring down freedom in the world. I read about groups like Trilateral commission and the CFR (Council on Foreign Relations.) I had never heard of this group and the others who are working to control what information we obtain through the news, media and entertainment, and newspapers, and truthfully I was only attracted to this topic of freedom because I married into a family who almost totally dissolved my freedom. They controlled nearly every aspect of my life and shamed me, humiliated me, and mocked me every time I 'tried' to use my free will. That is another story and a most sad one. But, this is what caused me to give great demand of my time as I read this book by Allen. Freedom. And who is trying to bring it down. The book talks about the Nelsons, Rockefellers, Rothschilds, Morgans and others. All of their work is done behind the scenes and if you don't know how to see the picture that is drawn behind it, you will be misled.

So, who is a member of the CFR? Well, Newt Gingrich is. Mitt Romney has chosen CFR members as his closest aids. Dick Cheney. Hillary Clinton is a member and more. You have to read this book, like President Benson says, to really get an understanding of what is happening in our world. I have posted several links that will give you a taste of what the book talks about. You can buy a hard copy as well, and I highly recommend it.

God's Hand

I have been thinking quite a bit lately about President Henry B. Eyring's thoughts on recognizing and writing down God's hand in our lives that happen daily. Immediately the thought comes into my mind of the peace I feel in my heart. I suffered so long with an uncomfortable, blech, in my stomach, that I'm reminded first off that I don't have that constant nagging anymore.

As I search my mind for other things that happened throughout the day, I find myself struggling a bit. So, I asked Heavenly Father. I'm still sifting through the events of the day, and I feel the Spirit as I'm thinking.

I am so grateful for this life and the chance to prove myself. It isn't easy fighting off pride, self-pity, covetting, envying, idolatry, etc. But I have my breastplate of righteousness, my shield of faith, my helmet of salvation, my feet shod with the gospel of peace, and of course my only weapon, the sword of truth.

With the temptations all around me, I feel so blessed to have the knowledge of Jesus Christ and that he is my Master, my King, my Counselor, my strength. I know I can get through it all with Him as my guide.

I love you all. May we each feel the love of the Lord in our hearts. May we feel His acceptance of us and our efforts to live as he lived. If you do not feel his love for you or his acceptance of you, may I suggest you search after it. It can be found and no matter how much effort you put into finding it, it will be worth every effort you make. I know that is true.

Two-Year Old Named Bruce

For history purposes, I have to write this post.

Bruce is a true terrible two. Here is the list of what happened the other day.

1. Climbing on the counter, turn on the water, play with the water sprayer. I come running in the kitchen, he turns the water sprayer and starts spraying me.

2. I walk around the house looking for him and I call out his name. No answer. I see that my bedroom door is closed. I try to open the door and it is locked. I retrieve the spare key and unlock the door, but can smell hairspray from the other side of the door. I go in my bedroom and he has my aerosol can of hairspray and he is spraying a piece of paper and the carpet. I move toward him and he turns the can of hairspray on me and sprays me.

3. We have a dog. We have a gas fireplace. The glass gets very hot. Bruce loves to chase the dog and pull on his collar. He pushes the dog against the hot glass and gets a kick out of the dogs reaction when it burns the dog.

4. He has found my bag of rice. He loves to eat it raw.

5. He climbs up on the washing machine.

6. He opens the oven door and uses it as trampoline.

7. He dropped Vanessa's necklace in the toilet and flushed it. When he realized it was gone forever, he cried for Vanessa's loss.

8. He runs down the street, running as fast as he can, with his big Tonka truck. It takes Jared and I running as fast as we can and we have a hard time catching him.

It is a crazy ride right now with this little guy. I don't know how I'll ever say I miss this stage. Older women tell me I will. I think they're crazy. I might eat my words someday, but that's okay.

Feelings

After reading in Ether this morning, my heart is heavy and sad. I don't know how you can read chapters 11-16 and not feel sad. Wait, I take that back, I do know how you can read those last chapters and not feel anything.

And that leads me into the discussion I'd like to have now.

When I was 27 years old I was a very sad woman and had been for 17 years. From the time I was ten year old, I constantly had this feeling in my heart that something wasn't right in my life. I would watch movies and not understand them. I would read and not understand what I was reading. I would watch the news and see stories where violent crimes had taken place, and I would FEEL nothing. Not that I wanted those horrible things to happen to those people, I just didn't have any feeling of horror when I knew I ought to. That disturbed me. A lot.

I would talk to my family members, friends, fellow church members, and ask anyone who I thought would have answers for me as to why I might be so unhappy and I was met with the same types of replies: they didn't know. My family members would get annoyed by my persistence in asking questions.

Several years later and I have found my answers as to why I was so unhappy and why I didn't feel horror when I should, neither did I feel love, nor loved, when I should.

The answer is in repentance. How is that? Because I had been searching for love and happiness in others' acceptance of me, in the malls, in saying the right things. I envied and coveted others' lives. I had a MAJOR 'poor me' outlook on life. I could never measure up to what I thought the world expected of me in order to be an acceptable person. The people around me didn't help me.

Now I feel love and loved. And oh do I feel loved. My joy is as exquisite as was my pain. I know this came from accepting Jesus as Lord and Ruler of my life. I live for Him. Words cannot describe the feelings I have for Him.

So, it wasn't so long ago that I didn't feel anything.

I am grateful today that I do.

I have a constant prayer in my heart that I will never, ever go back to who I was.