From the teachings of Spencer W. Kimball we read:
"Ye adorn yourselves with that which hath no life, and yet suffer the hungry, and the needy, and the naked, and the sick and the afflicted to pass by you, and notice them not.” (Morm. 8:39.)(I added the italics)
As the Lord himself said in our day, “They seek not the Lord to establish his righteousness, but every man walketh in his own way, and after the image of his own God, whose image is in the likeness of the world, and whose substance is that of an idol, which waxeth old and shall perish in Babylon, even Babylon the great, which shall fall.” (D&C 1:16; italics added.)
The Lord has said, “… seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matt. 6:33.) Too often, though, we want the “things” first.11
President Kimball continues: Quote 'Perhaps the sin is not in “things” but in our attitude toward and worship of “things.” Unless an acquisitive person can positively accumulate and hold wealth while still giving full allegiance to God and his program—unless the rich man can keep the Sabbath, keep his mind and body and spirit uncontaminated, and give unstinted service to his fellowmen through God’s appointed way—unless the affluent man has total control and can hold all his possessions in trust, subject to the call of the Lord through his authorized servants, then that man, for the good of his soul, should certainly “go and sell that thou hast and give to the poor, … and come and follow me.”' (Matthew 19:21.) Unquote.
You know, perhaps the reason why I am writing this message is because of the commercialization of Christmas. Perhaps it is because I have recognized my own 'walking in my own way' and not noticed the hungry, needy, naked, sick, and the afflicted. Might it be because I want to keep it in my remembrance whom I worship?
Either which way, I have been careful, especially as of late, to make sure my heart is in the right place, which is with God. Sometimes it is so easy to forget that we are owned by Christ. We have been bought with a price, and a great and terrible price at that. We take Christ's name upon us when we are baptized and I know for me, I have taken that fact way too lightly, and therefore worshipped that which I ought not have. It has been a very special season of reflection and desire to make some changes in my life.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tolerance for what?
In an Ensign article Jan 2001, President Hinckley wrote suggestions to mothers to teach their children. Here is one that caught my attention:
'Teach them to seek for good friends. They are going to have friends, good or bad. Those friends will make a vast difference in their lives. It is important that they cultivate an attitude of tolerance toward all people, but it is more important that they gather around them those of their own kind who will bring out the best they have within them. Otherwise they may be infected with the ways of their associates.'
In my most sober moments, I recognize the absolute importance of this truth. I am teaching my children how critical it is to have tolerance for others' beliefs. Article of Faith #11 We claim the aprivilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own cconscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
However, I am also encouraging and helping them to find friends who have their same standards. I love this quote for the fact that it puts the emphasis on what is more important. We have tolerance for others' beliefs that we don't espouse. But, we do not tolerate evil in any form. We seek to overcome and stop evil and preach what God has told us is evil and the consequences of what happens if we don't overcome it.
I am grateful for good people everywhere... Especially at this time of year.
'Teach them to seek for good friends. They are going to have friends, good or bad. Those friends will make a vast difference in their lives. It is important that they cultivate an attitude of tolerance toward all people, but it is more important that they gather around them those of their own kind who will bring out the best they have within them. Otherwise they may be infected with the ways of their associates.'
In my most sober moments, I recognize the absolute importance of this truth. I am teaching my children how critical it is to have tolerance for others' beliefs. Article of Faith #11 We claim the aprivilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own cconscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
However, I am also encouraging and helping them to find friends who have their same standards. I love this quote for the fact that it puts the emphasis on what is more important. We have tolerance for others' beliefs that we don't espouse. But, we do not tolerate evil in any form. We seek to overcome and stop evil and preach what God has told us is evil and the consequences of what happens if we don't overcome it.
I am grateful for good people everywhere... Especially at this time of year.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Violin concert
Last night we got to go to Vanessa's violin concert. The concert hall was packed with families. There wasn't a single seat open.
There was such a good feeling in that concert hall. Here there were 400 students who had learned their songs and their families were there to support them. It was so neat.
We brought in those apple suckers with carmel to help keep our boys quiet. I don't know how well it worked because Joseph was biting on his so hard to get the carmel off and the sucker went flying underneath the chairs in front of us. Luckily no one noticed but me.
My visiting teachers came with a great lesson and some yummy home-made fudge earlier in the day. We also went to dinner with the kids to celebrate my 35th birthday. It was a busy and wonderful day!
There was such a good feeling in that concert hall. Here there were 400 students who had learned their songs and their families were there to support them. It was so neat.
We brought in those apple suckers with carmel to help keep our boys quiet. I don't know how well it worked because Joseph was biting on his so hard to get the carmel off and the sucker went flying underneath the chairs in front of us. Luckily no one noticed but me.
My visiting teachers came with a great lesson and some yummy home-made fudge earlier in the day. We also went to dinner with the kids to celebrate my 35th birthday. It was a busy and wonderful day!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Homeschooling...
I just have to tell.... Two times a week I take Vanessa over to the neighborhood elementary school for violin class. I homeschool her otherwise, for those of you who didn't know.
Well, yesterday when I picked her up from her violin class, I asked her how class went. She said, "Mom it was so frustrating. The other kids were so rowdy that we didn't get to play as many songs as I wanted to." Now, remember, Vanessa lives with 3 very rowdy brothers (little 3 month old Bruce isn't rowdy yet.) So, this experience must have been significant enough for Vanessa to comment to me about it. She is able to handle rowdy.
I was so excited to hear Vanessa say this! Why? Because I have been working for a whole year now trying to get my kids to understand that school is for learning, and not just a social thing that we do because everyone does it. I want my kids to learn. And this was a big victory day for me. Vanessa is sober and is realizing that there is a time to be rowdy, and there is a time to be serious. She knows that violin class is when it is time to be serious. And she is becoming quite a good violin player because of it.
It is such a joy to be homeschooling.
Well, yesterday when I picked her up from her violin class, I asked her how class went. She said, "Mom it was so frustrating. The other kids were so rowdy that we didn't get to play as many songs as I wanted to." Now, remember, Vanessa lives with 3 very rowdy brothers (little 3 month old Bruce isn't rowdy yet.) So, this experience must have been significant enough for Vanessa to comment to me about it. She is able to handle rowdy.
I was so excited to hear Vanessa say this! Why? Because I have been working for a whole year now trying to get my kids to understand that school is for learning, and not just a social thing that we do because everyone does it. I want my kids to learn. And this was a big victory day for me. Vanessa is sober and is realizing that there is a time to be rowdy, and there is a time to be serious. She knows that violin class is when it is time to be serious. And she is becoming quite a good violin player because of it.
It is such a joy to be homeschooling.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Garbage has become a treasure at our home as of late. The boys are letting their creative juices flow and it is a joy to watch. Okay, I admit, it is a little annoying to have trash all over the house. But, I realize that these times won't last.
At this Thanksgiving season I have been reflecting on the trials I have been given. Lately, I have been trying to see what lessons God would have me learn. I don't know how it happened to me yesterday, but I thought about when I'm not being my best self, and I thought 'what if the Savior were here right now.' The feeling inside of me was so horrible. I could see how I would feel so ashamed of myself in front of Him. I could almost see Him looking at me with eyes of, 'Settle down.'
I am so grateful for the chance to change. I am so grateful Jesus hasn't come again yet so that I can still prove to Him that I can stand a little taller, and be a little more committed to following His ways.
This life is a gift. I'm rejoicing in the season to reflect on what really matters..
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Wedding Day November 15, 1997
Here are pictures of our wedding day and engagement pictures. When we get our most recent pictures, it will be fun to compare. Hope you enjoy! It sure was fun for us to pull these pictures out and take a walk down memory lane.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Waiting...
I've been waiting for our photographer to get our family pictures to us before I posted a new post. But, he is taking longer than he promised.. I hope it is worth the wait.
We celebrated our 12th anniversary last week. We went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner and then came home to watch a movie. After 12 years, Jared and I feel so grateful to be together.
One of my favorite memories is our 5th anniversary. I had just given birth to little Eric 3 months earlier and was nursing him. But, Jared and I stole away and went out to dinner. We went to the Roof Restaurant in Salt Lake City, at the top of the Joseph Smith Memorial building. It was a gorgeous night. It had just started to snow when we got to the restaurant. We got a table with a huge window by it that opens to a beautiful view of the Salt Lake Temple. With huge snowflakes falling, we ate our dinner while gazing at the Temple and the Christmas lights while reflecting back to our wedding day. It was so memorable. The restaurant provided a warmth that matched the warm feelings I had in my heart for Jared. Those feelings are still in my heart, for which I feel very blessed!
We celebrated our 12th anniversary last week. We went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner and then came home to watch a movie. After 12 years, Jared and I feel so grateful to be together.
One of my favorite memories is our 5th anniversary. I had just given birth to little Eric 3 months earlier and was nursing him. But, Jared and I stole away and went out to dinner. We went to the Roof Restaurant in Salt Lake City, at the top of the Joseph Smith Memorial building. It was a gorgeous night. It had just started to snow when we got to the restaurant. We got a table with a huge window by it that opens to a beautiful view of the Salt Lake Temple. With huge snowflakes falling, we ate our dinner while gazing at the Temple and the Christmas lights while reflecting back to our wedding day. It was so memorable. The restaurant provided a warmth that matched the warm feelings I had in my heart for Jared. Those feelings are still in my heart, for which I feel very blessed!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Standing for Principle
Standing for Something, Gordon B. Hinckley:
"The problem with most of us is that we are afraid to stand up for what we believe, to be witnesses for what is true and right. We want to do the right thing, but we are troubled by fears. So, we sit back, and the world drifts about us and society increasingly adopts attitudes and standards of behavior that most of us do not approve of."
Pres. Hinckley later continues:
"In leadership, in standing for principle, there is loneliness. But men and women of integrity must live with their convictions. Unless they do so, they are miserable--dreadfully miserable. And though there may be thorns, though there may be disappointment, though there may be trouble and travail, heartache and heartbreak, and desperate loneliness, there will also be comfort and strength and that "peace of God, which passeth all understanding"(Philippians 4:7).
I love this book. It gives me peace in an otherwise frightful world! The prophets words are a light by which I live my life. I am so grateful for their words.
"The problem with most of us is that we are afraid to stand up for what we believe, to be witnesses for what is true and right. We want to do the right thing, but we are troubled by fears. So, we sit back, and the world drifts about us and society increasingly adopts attitudes and standards of behavior that most of us do not approve of."
Pres. Hinckley later continues:
"In leadership, in standing for principle, there is loneliness. But men and women of integrity must live with their convictions. Unless they do so, they are miserable--dreadfully miserable. And though there may be thorns, though there may be disappointment, though there may be trouble and travail, heartache and heartbreak, and desperate loneliness, there will also be comfort and strength and that "peace of God, which passeth all understanding"(Philippians 4:7).
I love this book. It gives me peace in an otherwise frightful world! The prophets words are a light by which I live my life. I am so grateful for their words.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
President Hinckley
'We are involved in an intense battle. It is a battle between right and wrong, between truth and error, between the design of the Almighty on the one hand and that of Lucifer on the other. For that reason, we desperately need men and women who, in their individual spheres of influence, will stand for truth in a world of sophistry.'
Standing for Something, Gordon B. Hinckley
...More to come from the epilogue in this wonderful book. It is a treasure to read the words of the prophets...
Standing for Something, Gordon B. Hinckley
...More to come from the epilogue in this wonderful book. It is a treasure to read the words of the prophets...
Monday, November 9, 2009
CS Lewis gives a beautiful summary of the effect Christ has on us in his Narnia series that I'd like to discuss.
In Lewis's books, Christ is symbolized as a lion. He tells how people who live their lives in the dark are terrified of Christ's voice. And he demonstrates how people who don't live their lives in the dark, or, live their lives in the light, hear the roaring of Christ's voice as a sweet melody.
I have reflected on this idea a lot over the last couple of months. I can definately see how in my life, at times, I have been afraid of Christ's voice. A better way to describe it is that I wanted to run away from correction. Another way to describe it is that it feels like when I've broken a traffic law and the police are coming to punish me and the feeling I get is like I want to race away in my car to get away from them.
Christ tells us to change. He tells us to restore something we've taken away. He tells us to be selfless.
I wish I could describe the feelings I have about Christ and how He has changed me. I still have times when I want to run away from something I have done that is wrong, but it has become easier for me to admit wrong-doing the more I've done it.
Christ's words have become a sweet melody to me.
I'd love to hear your ideas...
In Lewis's books, Christ is symbolized as a lion. He tells how people who live their lives in the dark are terrified of Christ's voice. And he demonstrates how people who don't live their lives in the dark, or, live their lives in the light, hear the roaring of Christ's voice as a sweet melody.
I have reflected on this idea a lot over the last couple of months. I can definately see how in my life, at times, I have been afraid of Christ's voice. A better way to describe it is that I wanted to run away from correction. Another way to describe it is that it feels like when I've broken a traffic law and the police are coming to punish me and the feeling I get is like I want to race away in my car to get away from them.
Christ tells us to change. He tells us to restore something we've taken away. He tells us to be selfless.
I wish I could describe the feelings I have about Christ and how He has changed me. I still have times when I want to run away from something I have done that is wrong, but it has become easier for me to admit wrong-doing the more I've done it.
Christ's words have become a sweet melody to me.
I'd love to hear your ideas...
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
New Design
I decided to do a new design because the blogs I go to that have pretty designs seem funner to read somehow.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
A Soft Answer
Our bible lesson last night was Proverbs 15:1 which reads:
'A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.'
I have been working really hard with my kids to soften the tones in our voices to each other. I have been working by example and words to teach them this. It is amazing to me that as soon as we've had the lesson, that the kids will immediately use grievous (definition: upset) words and tones in dealing with each other.
Daily I use reasoning with them to explain why their behavior is unacceptable. It is time consuming and exhausting, to say the least. But, what a joy it is when we have our little successes. The Spirit is in our home when we are striving to OVERCOME. I love that word, that's why I bolded it. I don't expect us to be perfect overnight, but I do expect us to sit down and reason together so that we don't continue on in hurtful relations.
'A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.'
I have been working really hard with my kids to soften the tones in our voices to each other. I have been working by example and words to teach them this. It is amazing to me that as soon as we've had the lesson, that the kids will immediately use grievous (definition: upset) words and tones in dealing with each other.
Daily I use reasoning with them to explain why their behavior is unacceptable. It is time consuming and exhausting, to say the least. But, what a joy it is when we have our little successes. The Spirit is in our home when we are striving to OVERCOME. I love that word, that's why I bolded it. I don't expect us to be perfect overnight, but I do expect us to sit down and reason together so that we don't continue on in hurtful relations.
Friday, October 23, 2009
The last couple of days have been so good. I am so grateful Joanna has given me courage to say the tender feelings of my heart. Thanks Jo for sharing your courage.
As I have been bearing my testimony, it has become stronger.
This morning as I was writing my email to the family, I felt such a good feeling. I felt like I was giving them the yummiest piece of Shepherds pie, with some yummy potatoe, with yummy green beans and hamburger in it. I felt like I was saying, 'Here, try this yummy word of God. It is delicious to the soul, and sweet above all that is sweet. It will fill you.'
Of course, the Holy Ghost gave those words to me. I know I wouldn't have been able to write that email on my own because I have had times when I was asked to give a talk in Sacrament meeting and there was nothing inside of me to say.
As for myself, I am nothing, but in Christ Jesus I can do all things.... It is true. I just wanted to say it again..
In other news, Vanessa is upstairs right now playing the violin. She is playing Book of Mormon Stories... And now she is playing Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam. Something has happened to her the last week since I started requiring her to practice for an hour a day. I am loving it!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Q. How would you describe your life in only 8 words?
A. Finding and standing on the Lords side.
Q. What is your motto or maxim?
A. Choosing Christ, even if...
Q. How would you describe perfect happiness?
A. Free from guilt. (I agree here with you Jo)
Q. What’s your greatest fear?
A. A hard heart.
Q. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you choose to be?
A. Home.
Q. With whom in history do you most identify?
A. Other God fearing people.
Q. Which living person do you most admire?
A. Jeffrey R. Holland.
Q. What are your most overused words or phrases?
A. ?. Sorry ?? (this is a tough one)
Q. What do you regret most?
A. Waiting for others to believe in Christ too before I committed myself to Him.
Q. If you could acquire any talent, what would it be?
A. Be slow to anger.
Q. What is your greatest achievement?
A. My marriage.
Q. What’s your greatest flaw?
A. Keeping a spotless house.
Q. What’s your best quality?
A. Giving people second chances.
Q. If you could be any person or thing, who or what would it be?
A. Me. (I liked your answer Jo too)
Q. What trait is most noticeable about you?
A. Sobriety.
Q. If you could meet any historical character, who would it be and what would you say to him or her?
A. Right now, I'd like to meet Alma the Younger and tell him how much I admire his change of heart.
Q. What is your biggest pet peeve?
A. People who don't try to understand others.
Q. What is your favorite occupation, when you’re not writing?
A. Being a stay at home mom. (Same here)
Q. What 3 personal qualities are most important to you?
A. Charity, Understanding, Forgiveness
Q. If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your days, what would it be?
A. Fish and rice
Q. What are your 5 favorite songs?
A. I Know That My Redeemer Lives, Perfect Love, Blue Train (Linda Ronstadt), Abide With Me, I Need Thee Every Hour
A. Finding and standing on the Lords side.
Q. What is your motto or maxim?
A. Choosing Christ, even if...
Q. How would you describe perfect happiness?
A. Free from guilt. (I agree here with you Jo)
Q. What’s your greatest fear?
A. A hard heart.
Q. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you choose to be?
A. Home.
Q. With whom in history do you most identify?
A. Other God fearing people.
Q. Which living person do you most admire?
A. Jeffrey R. Holland.
Q. What are your most overused words or phrases?
A. ?. Sorry ?? (this is a tough one)
Q. What do you regret most?
A. Waiting for others to believe in Christ too before I committed myself to Him.
Q. If you could acquire any talent, what would it be?
A. Be slow to anger.
Q. What is your greatest achievement?
A. My marriage.
Q. What’s your greatest flaw?
A. Keeping a spotless house.
Q. What’s your best quality?
A. Giving people second chances.
Q. If you could be any person or thing, who or what would it be?
A. Me. (I liked your answer Jo too)
Q. What trait is most noticeable about you?
A. Sobriety.
Q. If you could meet any historical character, who would it be and what would you say to him or her?
A. Right now, I'd like to meet Alma the Younger and tell him how much I admire his change of heart.
Q. What is your biggest pet peeve?
A. People who don't try to understand others.
Q. What is your favorite occupation, when you’re not writing?
A. Being a stay at home mom. (Same here)
Q. What 3 personal qualities are most important to you?
A. Charity, Understanding, Forgiveness
Q. If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your days, what would it be?
A. Fish and rice
Q. What are your 5 favorite songs?
A. I Know That My Redeemer Lives, Perfect Love, Blue Train (Linda Ronstadt), Abide With Me, I Need Thee Every Hour
The last little while my mind has returned to a General Conference talk from May 2004 called 'But If Not..." by Dennis E. Simmons. In the talk, he says,
'Centuries ago, Daniel and his young associates were suddenly thrust from security into the world—a world foreign and intimidating. When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego refused to bow down and worship a golden image set up by the king, a furious Nebuchadnezzar told them that if they would not worship as commanded, they would immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. “And who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?” 2
The three young men quickly and confidently responded, “If it be so [if you cast us into the furnace], our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand.”
... But then they demonstrated that they fully understood what faith is. They continued, “But if not, … we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.” 3 That is a statement of true faith.
They knew that they could trust God—even if things didn’t turn out the way they hoped. 4 They knew that faith is more than mental assent, more than an acknowledgment that God lives. Faith is total trust in Him.'
The thoughts on my mind echo this talk. No matter what the world does to me, I will put my faith and trust in Christ.
Simmons goes on to say,
'Our God will deliver us from ridicule and persecution, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from sickness and disease, but if not … . He will deliver us from loneliness, depression, or fear, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from threats, accusations, and insecurity, but if not. … He will deliver us from death or impairment of loved ones, but if not, … we will trust in the Lord.
'Our God will see that we receive justice and fairness, but if not. … He will make sure that we are loved and recognized, but if not. … We will receive a perfect companion and righteous and obedient children, but if not, … we will have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that if we do all we can do, we will, in His time and in His way, be delivered and receive all that He has.'
To whom else can I go? To whom else can I worship? Or follow? For Christ has the words of eternal life!
Being a follower of Christ means having high standards. It means I follow a path of overcoming temptations of all kinds. The path is straight and it is narrow. The path is full of repentance and correction. It is full of love and grace. As to my own strength, I am nothing, but in Jesus Christ I can do all things.
The light of Christ shows all things as they really were, really are, and really will be.
The Light of Christ and the gift of the Holy Ghost are the light that light my footsteps. They truly are a lamp unto my feet.
'Centuries ago, Daniel and his young associates were suddenly thrust from security into the world—a world foreign and intimidating. When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego refused to bow down and worship a golden image set up by the king, a furious Nebuchadnezzar told them that if they would not worship as commanded, they would immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. “And who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?” 2
The three young men quickly and confidently responded, “If it be so [if you cast us into the furnace], our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand.”
... But then they demonstrated that they fully understood what faith is. They continued, “But if not, … we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.” 3 That is a statement of true faith.
They knew that they could trust God—even if things didn’t turn out the way they hoped. 4 They knew that faith is more than mental assent, more than an acknowledgment that God lives. Faith is total trust in Him.'
The thoughts on my mind echo this talk. No matter what the world does to me, I will put my faith and trust in Christ.
Simmons goes on to say,
'Our God will deliver us from ridicule and persecution, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from sickness and disease, but if not … . He will deliver us from loneliness, depression, or fear, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from threats, accusations, and insecurity, but if not. … He will deliver us from death or impairment of loved ones, but if not, … we will trust in the Lord.
'Our God will see that we receive justice and fairness, but if not. … He will make sure that we are loved and recognized, but if not. … We will receive a perfect companion and righteous and obedient children, but if not, … we will have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that if we do all we can do, we will, in His time and in His way, be delivered and receive all that He has.'
To whom else can I go? To whom else can I worship? Or follow? For Christ has the words of eternal life!
Being a follower of Christ means having high standards. It means I follow a path of overcoming temptations of all kinds. The path is straight and it is narrow. The path is full of repentance and correction. It is full of love and grace. As to my own strength, I am nothing, but in Jesus Christ I can do all things.
The light of Christ shows all things as they really were, really are, and really will be.
The Light of Christ and the gift of the Holy Ghost are the light that light my footsteps. They truly are a lamp unto my feet.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Joanna's recent journey to find peace in Christ is inspiring. It has really made me re-evaluate my own standing with God again. Am I living as He would have me live?
The year I turned 27 was a year of deep reflection for me. I was questioning the way I was raised and wanted to find peace with some of the incorrect traditions in our family. Not to mention I wanted to find peace in my marriage. At this time, I didn't know what was wrong or why I didn't feel at peace, but I was determined to find out. So, one day as I was leaving church, I looked up toward heaven and said in my mind, "Take me, Heavenly Father, I'm ready." By this I meant, I'm ready for You to show me how to have peace.
The next 2 months were torture for me. Every day I would wake up and I would have a thought come into my head of someone I had wronged or offended. It went like this: "Sarah, you lied to Jenny." I would think in my head of the situation where I'd lied. Then I would think, "Oh, I did do that. That was wrong." Then I would get on the internet and search to find Jenny so that I could apologize. I wrote a letter to her with an apology because I could only find her parent's home address.
This went on for 2 months. "Sarah you did this. Sarah you did that." I admitted to God that He was right and that I had done all the things the Holy Ghost was bringing into my mind, and I admitted that I was so sorry. Then one morning, as usual, the thought came into my mind of something I had done that I wasn't ready to reconcile yet. I was still in an attitude of excusing myself when it came to this specific offense. Every time the Holy Ghost would remind me of this horrible thing I had done, I would say in my mind, "Yeah, but, I couldn't be perfect. I was going through so much." For 2 weeks I fought with God with this offense. And then one day after I finally said in my mind, "You're right Heavenly Father, what I did was wrong, and I knew it was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it," it was at that moment that I remember God speaking in my mind that I was forgiven and that He loved me.
Cleaning up 27 years of accumulated sins was rough. But, I was beginning to feel God's love for me in a way I hadn't felt ever before. I continued to study the scriptures and have a soft heart. I started to stand up for things I believed were wrong, but I was wimpy about it. My attempts were really pathetic, in hindsight.
As I keep onward in fighting sin, I find continued peace. My relationship with God is always on my mind. My relationship with my husband is moving in the right direction. Satan's lies are powerful and deceiving. It amazes me how many of his lies I have believed.
2 Nephi 28:
21 And others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.
22 And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none—and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance.
24 Therefore, wo be unto him that is at ease in Zion!
25 Wo be unto him that crieth: All is well!
The Book of Mormon is my saving grace. It speaks the truth in a world filled with the precepts of men. I love Christ. His words are a song to my heart.
The year I turned 27 was a year of deep reflection for me. I was questioning the way I was raised and wanted to find peace with some of the incorrect traditions in our family. Not to mention I wanted to find peace in my marriage. At this time, I didn't know what was wrong or why I didn't feel at peace, but I was determined to find out. So, one day as I was leaving church, I looked up toward heaven and said in my mind, "Take me, Heavenly Father, I'm ready." By this I meant, I'm ready for You to show me how to have peace.
The next 2 months were torture for me. Every day I would wake up and I would have a thought come into my head of someone I had wronged or offended. It went like this: "Sarah, you lied to Jenny." I would think in my head of the situation where I'd lied. Then I would think, "Oh, I did do that. That was wrong." Then I would get on the internet and search to find Jenny so that I could apologize. I wrote a letter to her with an apology because I could only find her parent's home address.
This went on for 2 months. "Sarah you did this. Sarah you did that." I admitted to God that He was right and that I had done all the things the Holy Ghost was bringing into my mind, and I admitted that I was so sorry. Then one morning, as usual, the thought came into my mind of something I had done that I wasn't ready to reconcile yet. I was still in an attitude of excusing myself when it came to this specific offense. Every time the Holy Ghost would remind me of this horrible thing I had done, I would say in my mind, "Yeah, but, I couldn't be perfect. I was going through so much." For 2 weeks I fought with God with this offense. And then one day after I finally said in my mind, "You're right Heavenly Father, what I did was wrong, and I knew it was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it," it was at that moment that I remember God speaking in my mind that I was forgiven and that He loved me.
Cleaning up 27 years of accumulated sins was rough. But, I was beginning to feel God's love for me in a way I hadn't felt ever before. I continued to study the scriptures and have a soft heart. I started to stand up for things I believed were wrong, but I was wimpy about it. My attempts were really pathetic, in hindsight.
As I keep onward in fighting sin, I find continued peace. My relationship with God is always on my mind. My relationship with my husband is moving in the right direction. Satan's lies are powerful and deceiving. It amazes me how many of his lies I have believed.
2 Nephi 28:
21 And others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.
22 And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none—and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance.
24 Therefore, wo be unto him that is at ease in Zion!
25 Wo be unto him that crieth: All is well!
The Book of Mormon is my saving grace. It speaks the truth in a world filled with the precepts of men. I love Christ. His words are a song to my heart.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Jared and I have known each other for 18 years today. We went on our first date to the Kyoto in Salt Lake. It is a Japanese restaurant on 1100 East and 1300 South. It was Homecoming Dance 1991.
We were set up. Jared's friends knew me, but Jared and I didn't know each other at all. One of his friends wanted him to go to the dance with them, but Jared didn't have a date. He'd tried to ask 2 other girls, but they'd already been asked. So, in order to get a date for Jared with a girl he didn't know, his friends decided they had to trick him. So, they told him he was asking a girl by the name of Sarah Leymaster. So, after he drops off his treats on our doorstep, he runs out to the bushes where his friends who were with him are waiting for him. He gets behind the bushes, and his friends are laughing their heads off. Jared asks what is so funny. His friend says, "Dude, you just asked Sarah Taylor, not Sarah Leymaster!" Jared said, "Who the heck is Sarah Taylor." So, Jared goes home to find my Sophomore picture in the yearbook. He says he doesn't know me. He decides to not call me and rescind the invitation to the dance because he knows Paul, who was in his body conditioning class, and he says, "At least she's not ugly."
As for me? When I got the invitation and it said Jared Bott, I went to the yearbook to look him up. I had never seen him before. Paul was sitting right there and said he thought he knew him from body conditioning. So, after some persuasion from my siblings, I decided to say yes.
The date was uncomfortable. Jared was super nervous and didn't talk much. He had just gotten his drivers license and was insecure about his driving. But, the look in his eyes was sweet.
18 years and 5 kids later brings a life of ups and downs. We rejoice in the good times, and struggle together through the bad times. I am grateful every day for second chances to show love, committment, repentance, and gratitude for one another.
+of+S2010127.JPG)
We loved Conference this weekend. Our little family is fighting off a cold, so sitting in front of the TV for long hours was easier than usual.
I just wanted to tell a little story about Joseph before I forget it. There are times when we go off to bed and we blow kisses to each other when saying goodnight. We are in the habit of saying goodnight to each other like 5 times before we actually are in bed with the lights out. This one particular night Joseph blew me a kiss. He kissed his hand and then started to blow really hard on his hand. Then he said to me, "That one was really hard to get off." It took me a second to understand what he meant. When I realized it, I was laughing my head off. He didn' know what was so funny, as it was perfectly reasonable that a kiss would get stuck on his hand. Joseph is adorable and creative like no other.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
So, I have a minute to tell about Bruce's delivery.
I went into my doctor's office for my 38 week 3 day appointment. My doctor said I was dialated to a 3 and 80 effaced. So, she stripped my membranes. Ouch. But, within a couple of hours I was contracting pretty stongly. Around 8pm I was telling Jared that I think we were going to have a baby that night.
He started to pack my bag while I labored on the toilet. hehe. We called our neighbor, who was our designated babysitter, to come over to spend the night. By 10:30pm we were out the door. Our downstairs toilet broke earlier that day and we had spent the day running around getting supplies to fix it, so I was exhausted. I had planned an unmedicated birth, but was doubtful at this time that that was going to happen. I told the nurses that I wanted unmedicated as I'd done it with 3 of my other 4 kids. The nurse was supportive, for which I was grateful.
We get to labor and delivery and check in. The nurses were treating me like a veteran. They hardly questioned me about contractions. Then the nurse checked me and found that I was 4cm. A call was made to my OB doctor and the decision was made to break my water. I could have gone home at this point to labor more, but I was so ready to get on with this delivery that I chose the breaking of my water instead. And at 1am on Sept. 9th, the doctor broke my water. Contractions picked up and never looked back. Next came the anethesiologist. I changed my mind about going unmedicated. I was way too tired. The nurse asked me what changed my mind. I said, "I'm too tired." She kept telling me how cool it was to her that I could make that decision with so little emotion. I wondered how many unmedicated moms there are out there that are Nazis about it. That is not me. I wanted to go unmedicated, but medicine is there for good sense, and I was going to take it.
After the epidural, which worked beautifully (unlike the epidural I had with Joseph's delivery,) I got really nauseated. I almost barfed like 4 times. Once again the nurse starts commenting on how impressed she was that I was able to hold it down. With Joseph's epidural, my blood pressure dropped to 63/30, my legs were completely numb, and stopped my contractions. Not this time. My legs were movable, my blood pressure stayed fine, and I never needed pitocin to start contractions up again. It was great.
So, I labored away. I couldn't sleep. I was way too excited to meet our new little guy. And then at about 4:45am my darling doctor came in. I was 10cm's and 100% effaced and ready to push. In 4 contractions, out came little Bruce. He was gurgly, so the NICU nurse took him over to her station to take care of him. That is the first time any of my babies didn't land on my stomach before being taken away. I was sad and wanted to see my little guy. Jared went over though.
What a relief! Pregnancy is over. And we've got this adorable new member of our family. We feel so blessed. And we all are fighting over who gets to hold him.
I went into my doctor's office for my 38 week 3 day appointment. My doctor said I was dialated to a 3 and 80 effaced. So, she stripped my membranes. Ouch. But, within a couple of hours I was contracting pretty stongly. Around 8pm I was telling Jared that I think we were going to have a baby that night.
He started to pack my bag while I labored on the toilet. hehe. We called our neighbor, who was our designated babysitter, to come over to spend the night. By 10:30pm we were out the door. Our downstairs toilet broke earlier that day and we had spent the day running around getting supplies to fix it, so I was exhausted. I had planned an unmedicated birth, but was doubtful at this time that that was going to happen. I told the nurses that I wanted unmedicated as I'd done it with 3 of my other 4 kids. The nurse was supportive, for which I was grateful.
We get to labor and delivery and check in. The nurses were treating me like a veteran. They hardly questioned me about contractions. Then the nurse checked me and found that I was 4cm. A call was made to my OB doctor and the decision was made to break my water. I could have gone home at this point to labor more, but I was so ready to get on with this delivery that I chose the breaking of my water instead. And at 1am on Sept. 9th, the doctor broke my water. Contractions picked up and never looked back. Next came the anethesiologist. I changed my mind about going unmedicated. I was way too tired. The nurse asked me what changed my mind. I said, "I'm too tired." She kept telling me how cool it was to her that I could make that decision with so little emotion. I wondered how many unmedicated moms there are out there that are Nazis about it. That is not me. I wanted to go unmedicated, but medicine is there for good sense, and I was going to take it.
After the epidural, which worked beautifully (unlike the epidural I had with Joseph's delivery,) I got really nauseated. I almost barfed like 4 times. Once again the nurse starts commenting on how impressed she was that I was able to hold it down. With Joseph's epidural, my blood pressure dropped to 63/30, my legs were completely numb, and stopped my contractions. Not this time. My legs were movable, my blood pressure stayed fine, and I never needed pitocin to start contractions up again. It was great.
So, I labored away. I couldn't sleep. I was way too excited to meet our new little guy. And then at about 4:45am my darling doctor came in. I was 10cm's and 100% effaced and ready to push. In 4 contractions, out came little Bruce. He was gurgly, so the NICU nurse took him over to her station to take care of him. That is the first time any of my babies didn't land on my stomach before being taken away. I was sad and wanted to see my little guy. Jared went over though.
What a relief! Pregnancy is over. And we've got this adorable new member of our family. We feel so blessed. And we all are fighting over who gets to hold him.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Well, it's been a crazy week. I have had quite a time getting through this last month of pregnancy. I'm not sleeping well at all. Little Bruce isn't the cause. He isn't bothering me too much. And, in fact, sometimes I don't even feel pregnant. I've only gained a couple of pounds this pregnancy, so I can't blame it on that. Emotionally, I have never been this down. I remember I was really down when I was pregnant with Eric at the end, but not this down. Luckily, it all ended when I delivered Eric. I'm hoping for that this time too. I know post-partum depression is a real thing, and I really don't want to have to go through that.
Jared has been a great support. So have the kids, especially Vanessa. We'll be posting pictures before too long as the delivery comes up quick. I'm hoping when my doctor strips my membranes on Sept. 8th that it will do the trick. I'm already dialated to 2-3 and 75% effaced. If it doesn't work that day though, my doctor said she'll break my water Sept. 14th. Yea!
Jared has been a great support. So have the kids, especially Vanessa. We'll be posting pictures before too long as the delivery comes up quick. I'm hoping when my doctor strips my membranes on Sept. 8th that it will do the trick. I'm already dialated to 2-3 and 75% effaced. If it doesn't work that day though, my doctor said she'll break my water Sept. 14th. Yea!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
