After Much Loss Comes Faith and Healing

Joanna's recent journey to find peace in Christ is inspiring. It has really made me re-evaluate my own standing with God again. Am I living as He would have me live?

The year I turned 27 was a year of deep reflection for me. I was questioning the way I was raised and wanted to find peace with some of the incorrect traditions in our family. Not to mention I wanted to find peace in my marriage. At this time, I didn't know what was wrong or why I didn't feel at peace, but I was determined to find out. So, one day as I was leaving church, I looked up toward heaven and said in my mind, "Take me, Heavenly Father, I'm ready." By this I meant, I'm ready for You to show me how to have peace.

The next 2 months were torture for me. Every day I would wake up and I would have a thought come into my head of someone I had wronged or offended. It went like this: "Sarah, you lied to Jenny." I would think in my head of the situation where I'd lied. Then I would think, "Oh, I did do that. That was wrong." Then I would get on the internet and search to find Jenny so that I could apologize. I wrote a letter to her with an apology because I could only find her parent's home address.

This went on for 2 months. "Sarah you did this. Sarah you did that." I admitted to God that He was right and that I had done all the things the Holy Ghost was bringing into my mind, and I admitted that I was so sorry. Then one morning, as usual, the thought came into my mind of something I had done that I wasn't ready to reconcile yet. I was still in an attitude of excusing myself when it came to this specific offense. Every time the Holy Ghost would remind me of this horrible thing I had done, I would say in my mind, "Yeah, but, I couldn't be perfect. I was going through so much." For 2 weeks I fought with God with this offense. And then one day after I finally said in my mind, "You're right Heavenly Father, what I did was wrong, and I knew it was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it," it was at that moment that I remember God speaking in my mind that I was forgiven and that He loved me.

Cleaning up 27 years of accumulated sins was rough. But, I was beginning to feel God's love for me in a way I hadn't felt ever before. I continued to study the scriptures and have a soft heart. I started to stand up for things I believed were wrong, but I was wimpy about it. My attempts were really pathetic, in hindsight.

As I keep onward in fighting sin, I find continued peace. My relationship with God is always on my mind. My relationship with my husband is moving in the right direction. Satan's lies are powerful and deceiving. It amazes me how many of his lies I have believed.

2 Nephi 28:

21 And others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.

22 And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none—and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance.

24 Therefore, wo be unto him that is at ease in Zion!

25 Wo be unto him that crieth: All is well!



The Book of Mormon is my saving grace. It speaks the truth in a world filled with the precepts of men. I love Christ. His words are a song to my heart.