'She's just doing the best she can.'
Have you ever been hurt by someone, and the only way you could forgive that person is to tell yourself a line similar to this one?
Have you ever been hurt by someone, and others know about the offense, and they come to tell you that line?
That line really bothers me.
I have tried to use that line as a way to forgive someone who has hurt me.
I want to tell you my experience with it. First, how can I know if someone else is truly doing the best they can? I can't. Second, when I have offended someone else, I don't think to myself, 'I was just doing the best I could.' That doesn't excuse what I did to that other person, nor will it give good feelings to the person who I hurt. Third, just because I try to believe that that other person is doing the best they can, doesn't translate into good feelings being restored between us regarding the offense. I can pretend it does. But, I am only lying to myself. Good feelings will be able to be restored by 'confessing and forsaking' the offense.
This seems so simple. And yet, why do years go by that good feelings go unrestored? Another rhetorical question again, I know. And one that I also know the answers to again.
May we all learn to say, 'I'm sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me. I want to be friends.'
And then sincerely work to be respectful of others' feelings and wishes.
Forgiveness, for me, doesn't come by using this line. Forgiveness comes by feeling the love of God and my Savior, Jesus Christ. It comes by knowing how much they love me and that other person. It is a gift given to me, by Him. Jesus Christ has suffered so much for us in His Infinite Atonement. And that gift and knowledge instills in me a forgiving heart.
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3 comments:
Sar, It is my sincere hope that feelings will soon be restored between whomever has caused offence. Sorry things are not how you wish they could be.
Take care of you, ok. Miss you!
I think what you're saying is true. And as I always say, you know your situation best and nobody else can say anything about what your experiences have been. Your feelings and experiences are unique and totally valid because they happened to you and nobody else. To ignore or deny the offense would disrespect yourself.
FOR BOTH SIDES, this is what I believe: To acknowledge it and seek to clear the air shows that you not only respect yourself, but you respect the one who offended; even if there is disagreement. Not making an effort only gives the message, "You're not important enough in my world to bother working it through with you." Often people don't realize their actions have been hurtful. Decent people will try to listen, especially if they love you. Just remember it can be hard to be told one's failings.
IF THAT PERSON REFUSES to listen, work it out, or even consider the possibility that he/she might have done wrong, you have some choices: 1) You can re-evaluate to see if possibly you might have taken things wrong: or 2) you can say, "That person is doing the best he can," which either means you are willing to swallow any past and future offense without argument, or it means "just don't be offended" because that person is mentally or emotionally challenged and can't function the way a normal person would; or 3) you can continue trying to work things out by simply letting it go for a while, then broach the subject again some other time. If those choices don't work, then you can 4) state your position, acknowledging what you view as the other person's position in relation to your own, and hope for someone else to clarify, thus starting a dialogue that may or may not be fruitful. Also, have you thought about a mediator? Perhaps a professional online group thing. That way, words don't get in the way of their meanings.
If none of those things bring resolve, then you'll have to deal with being on the blacklist of those who now consider themselves offended by your position or your words, and who do not consider you important enough in their world to want to work it out with you, etc. If you find yourself in that situation, be comforted that you have done your best, and leave the resolution up to God because there's not a lot you can do about it.
Also, remember, this has little to do with forgiveness, although it helps. Forgiveness can happen before, during, or after this process. What you are working out is the healthy function of a relationship, which has to happen if the relationship is to survive. People shouldn't confuse forgiveness with the acceptance of poor behavior. Poor behavior toward you should never be accepted. And forgiveness is nobody's business but your own. People ought to be less concerned with that and more concerned with showing you the same respect of finding a way to work things out you have showed them.
But most of all, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and He shall direct thy paths."
I'm sorry and I want to say I"m sorry. Going through all this with my Mom has make me realize that life is to short and I want to get along. Can we be friends? I really do miss you and the kids and I would like to be more involved in your life but I understand that I have made mistakes in the past. I would like to see you guys more. Love Linda
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