Birth

We have spent the last several weeks catching one sickness after another.  It is our Stake Conference today and we are missing it because of fevers and tummy bugs.  We thought Rex had strep throat again, after his bout of it 2 months ago, but his fever went down and he is looking better today.

I have been thinking a lot lately about having another child.  It has been on my mind more and more lately and since I just turned 38, I realize that I'm getting closer and closer to that window closing on me forever.  As I've thought of bringing children into this world, it occurs to me more and more that there is a connection between the desire of bringing children into this world and allowing new life to come into my heart.  The Lord has worked a wonderful work in my life and he continues to do so.  But, like birth control or the barriers we can place in order to prevent conception, we can also place barriers in our lives that prevent the Lord from being able to put new life into us.

I'm studying about this right now and learning that I don't trust the Lord as much as I should.  I think of my own children and it offends me when they don't trust me.  I can imagine how the Lord feels when I don't trust Him.

Furthermore, as I have been yearning to trust Heavenly Father more, I have been thinking of the birth process and how I haven't trusted that process.  I have been studying midwifery and considering the idea of going to school to become a midwife.